My New Ghost Shrimp

I had two new shrimp and twoglofish in a bowl getting adjusted to the small amounts of tank water (so I could add them to my aquarium) I was pouring in with their old tank water. I walked out to grab the net to fish them out with, and as I was walking back into my office, approaching the bowl set in the middle of the desk, one of the shrimp jumped out. It did not clamor out, it did not hop out, it jumped like it was in the fucking shrimp olympics going for the gold medal. It went about a foot high, and landed about 3 feet away from my desk. I gasped so hard I'm surprised it didn't shift mid air and get sucked down my larynx. We both froze, me with goosebumps everywhere, him probably asking himself if he was still alive, and then he proceeded to flop around on the floor.

I somehow got the little bastard inside the net, and back in the bowl, and put the paper towel I'd been using to clean up the drops of water I spilled, over the top of the bowl. As I was taking the lid off for the tank, as I was not waiting another minute to dump him deep down into the tank, the paper towel popped up in the middle.

It was the grosses, creepiest thing I've experienced in a really long time. In fact, it was comparable to your mother.

Duck Duck Goose

There are these two guys, probably late 30s, sitting at the coffee shop a couple tables away from me and my friend. This guy, clearly walking toward the door, stopped at that table. He turned quickly to them and said loudly in the crowded coffee shop, "Do you guys ever play Duck Duck Goose in the dark?! Cuz I DO!" and turned and walked out with a crazed smile on his face.

Everyone around us just died laughing. That was possibly the coolest thing I've seen at a coffee shop. Ever. And the look on the guys face he was asking, was just as priceless.

Be Brave with Braids

http://granitepeaks.org/index.cfm?method=ClassInfo.ClassInformation&int_class_id=19984&int_category_id=1&int_sub_category_id=104

FINALLY! A class that can help me. Often times after braiding my hair, I get this feeling...what other braids are out there in the world? Are they better than my braids? Stronger than my braids? And how would I know to do them?

I just need to learn to Be Brave with Braids. For only $15, I can finally walk outside, confident with my braided hair. No more will I lie awake at night after seeing a braided girls hair, wondering, what kind of braid was that? Did it come from here, or was it other worldly? What if I braided my hair like that? Would everything be okay? Would Teeko die?

What a horrifying task it is to braids one hair. I'm so glad there is finally something out there to give me the reassurance I've always yearned for with my braids.

Death of the Laptop

Just days after joking about how my laptop was my child (who's Teeko?...oh yeah!) it decided to throw me a big middle finger, and explode.

Most people are like, hey, it's for work too, you get a new laptop, hurray! NO! Only a year and a half old, it was just a behbeh! Also, so much extreme nerdism went into my regedit, it was customized in ways that would make the average person go 'Eh?' that I could puke. My workflow was smooth and perfect, everything how I wanted. And now...it's gone...suicide. Kaput.

At least I was able to salvage the harddrive! Although most everything was backed up already, cuz I ain't stupid. But f you ever need one salvaged, come to me, I save you money...me love your computer long time. Although, I warn you, I'm cursed. Just a mere glance might make it short circuit in ways that Short Circuit wouldn't even understand.

Dog 'Lover'

I went to a brand new dog park with Teeko this evening. He did so good, he went through the tire, the tunnels, I even put him on his leash after awhile and walked around, so good! But I digress...this story is not about Teeko. It is about...MOLLIE.

I walk into this dog park, and there are a group of maybe 5 ppl huddled together, so of course all the dogs aren't going too far away, aren't playing that much, because they have to stick close to there owners. So it's apparently really exciting when Teeko and I get there, because 8 dogs gather around us. I say hi to them and pet them all, this went on for about oh THIRTY SECONDS was all, when one of the ladies says, "Mollie get back here, you're making me jealous!"  ........................................

First off, can you imagine how this woman would be with her kids? She would be one of those ladies that has a little boy and holds his hand even when he's 15 years old (I've seen boys like this!) and are jealous of their son's girlfriends. You're jealous of your dog being curious about someone knew? What kind of sick, insecure, pathetic, sad life do you live? Holy shit!

I listen to her talking, and she goes on and on about how, 'oh Mollie will roll on her back but 10 feet away, how am I supposed to pet your belly when you're that far away? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!' Yeah. That's some funny shit right there. I could barely contain my laughter. I almost threw up it was so funny...

I then sprint to the other end of the park, and of course all the dogs follow and start actually playing and running around, and as I walk back, she's still talking about her! Every time I'd jog back and forth, she'd be yapping about her Mollie. WOW. I feel so bad for this dog, she probably just wants to be left the hell alone for five minutes. What's wrong with ppl?!

Halloween Pen

I went to a cute Halloween store on 54th and Redwood called Halloween City. I found a few things I wanted, including stencils for pumpkins that are pretty much already cut out! You just have to tape it to the pumpkin and follow the lines, hurray!

Standing in line behind a girl and her mom, I notice a cute Halloween pen. The girl was about 8, clearly too excited about her new costume her mom was buying her to care about a pen. I however did. It was purple, and lit up when you wrote, AND had feathers on the end with a skull! So I reach in front of her to grab the pen, it was standing next to many others, all being held by a little box so they could stand up all cute. As I try to pull the pen out quickly to not be in the way, the whole box and all the pens start to come with it. I quickly let go and noisily shove it back, and pretend as though I didn't really want the pen anyway. The little girl grabs the pen, puts her hand on the box to hold it down, pulls it out, and hands it to me with a 'there you go,' smile on her face. "Thank you," I mutter as I take the pen.

Glad the 8 year old handled the situation before I broke something. SIGH!

My McDonalds Man

A few mornings ago, I stop by McDonalds on the way to work. I pull up to the drive through and the guy asks how I'm doing today. I said, "Great!"
"That's wonderful to hear!"
He then asks if I want my receipt and I said, "No thanks I'm good."
"Well of course your good!" he responds. "You're far to lovely to be evil. Especially with that smile."
I smiled and laughed a bit...How the hell do you respond to something like that?! "Thanks," I finally mumbled, embarrassed and not knowing what else to say.

This morning, I pull up and the guy wishes me a good morning. "Morning, can you split a 50?" I ask.
"Sure!" He takes the fifty and pretends to rip it in half.
"HA!" I exclaim, as I am easily amused.
"Wow look at that smile."
Oh here we go, I think he's starting to recognize me.
"I bet you knock your boyfriend's socks off with that smile, huh?" he gushes.
I JUST WANT COFFEE! I'm sorry Dungeons and Dragons man, but I do not want to have a flirty interaction every time I want an iced coffee in the morning. I just want my delicious vanilla iced coffee and to be on my merry way!
I respond, "Maybe haha," cuz I mean it's kinda flattering and I'm not going to be a jerk to some random Dungeon Master, he might throw his 8 sided die and cast a level 13 Love Spell on me. I should have just said, "You bet I do! I knock his socks off, and his pants off, and then we fuck! And he'd beat anyone's ass who even spoke to me." But I could not think of such clever antic dotes at such an awkward time.
Then he ends, as always, with, "You come back anytime now okay?"
It's fucking McDonalds! Most of you are now open late, I will come back anytime! Don't you worry yourself back to a level 2 Paladin about it, I know!